Desi Subprime


“Subprime” will arguably be the most googled word of the year 2008. Any sane human being having access to internet or lesser still to any newspaper must have surely come across this word. Many might have ignored it and other might have even created some sorts of notion about it in their minds. Without going into technicalities of it, one can safely assume that it ranks fairly high on the list of causes of the financial meltdown. Doling out loans to relatively less worthy customer with proven track record of defaults in repayment doesn’t seem to indicate any sorts of prudence from the financial bigwigs. Their only leverage of a probable appreciation in value of mortgaged realty went bust and the giants came down under its own weight. And the tightly coupled economies that we are in the globe, the tremors would be felt across every latitude and longitude.

Although each passing day sees a new financial institution claiming bankruptcy while other proposing lay-offs as a cost-cutting measure, the incident per se is passé. Right, the chips are down but no point in wailing over it. The need of the hour is for us to put the chips back in a way that such crisis doesn’t strike us a second time.

Frankly, looking at the current market conditions and the prevailing lending scenario that has been in existent in India, it doesn’t seem to be much different from the ‘Subprime’ lines. Rewind a few months, and the nasty calls from the ICICIs and the HDFCs offering loans without any surety aren’t something unheard off. These banks have been ready to disburse loans virtually at the tilt of the hat. As in case of subprime, many of these beneficiaries have been known defaulters. It won't be surprising if you find a Tom, Dick or Harry zooming past you in a sedan entirely hypothecated to a bank… worse still the gas driving it too would be on credit… courtesy the lending institutions.

The response of any financial turmoil by the central bank in India could be simply described as one right from the text-books. The easing and freezing of liquidity by altering the CRR, Repo Rate has been a prescribed one, but the irony that it isn’t as linear. The economy is booming but that doesn’t mean that there shouldn’t exist any tabs on it. On face value it might look like that we are hampering the growth; but these prohibitions are required for sustained all inclusive growth of our emerging economy. An apt analogy that I find here is that of a kite. What keeps a kite flying high is that string attached to it the other end of which is in our hand. Snap the string and the result is evident.

Bottom-line is that there is an urgent need to get the acts together, be it the RBI, the SEBI or the Planning commission. All of them have to don their thinking caps as well their action caps to prevent the Indian economy going the US of A way. Lest it won’t be long that the subprime devil will come knocking our doors.

Wanted

“Everything can be manipulated” thundered my friend as we were sitting leisurely under the sky discussing about the plight of the nation. These words came as a bolt from the blue from this usually clownish friend of mine. But uncharacteristic to him, he was serious to the core and deeply aggrieved by the recent happenings around him, around me and in fact around every one of us.

As we grazed past the various ills plaguing the country, trying our bit to zero in on what needs to be done to cure the same; he chillingly narrated incidents how politician try and manipulate the public for their own betterment. And it wasn’t just plain baseless allegations against the Gandhi topi and khadi kurta clad individuals; for me I believed his talk made sense. From the Amar Singhs, Raj Thakareys, and Narendra Modis who divide people to rule over them, to the local MLAs luring voters with money and thereof, he seemed to have un-puzzled everything. But, had he? How I wish I affirmatively responded to it.

Like any other rational citizen we had unraveled the never-ending list of what’s wrong with us, but alas we haven’t had laid our hands on the answer key to all these problems. And as I questioned him on what got to be done, I saw nothing but question mark on his face. As thoughts wandered, satisfying monetary need of the humankind popped up as a probable solution. But it was shot down with equal blitzkrieg by Maslow and his theory of hierarchy of needs. For if Maslow had his way, satisfaction of some level of needs would induce craving for achievement of the next level.
Educating the masses was option B. But would education eradicate the cynicism that has sipped into the Indian psyche. One can see from the current times, the ones who avoid the polling booths on election days are the ones whom I choose to call the educated illiterates.

Although nothing concrete emerged from our tete-e-tete, what we certainly concluded that there is a need of a movement, a revolution. There was a need of a mobiliser of the masses; and what better example to give other than the father of our nation. Though we agreed that Gandhism per se is passé and few of his actions might arguably be the root cause of the mess we see us in; we nevertheless acknowledged his skill of uniting people for a single cause. Probably, there is a need of a persona who is the culmination of mobilization skill of Gandhi and the organizing/ planning skill of Netaji. We both had consensus that this person definitely got to be from a non-political background but still having a tremendous following amongst the Indians. He might be a filmstar, a cricketer, a businessman or anyone else but surely someone should rise above petty politics towards this goal. We are on a lookout for one, hoping that our search will end soon. It might be even you. Do you have it in you?

Aye Mere Watan Ke Logon!

Aye mere vatan ke logon
tum Khoob Laga Lo Naara
ye Shubh Din Hai Ham Sab Ka
lahara Lo Tiranga Pyaara
par Mat Bhoolo Seema Par
veeron Ne Hai Praan Ganvaaye
kuch Yaad Unhein Bhi Kar Lo -2
jo Laut Ke Ghar Na Aaye -2

aye Mere Vatan Ke Logon
zara Aankh Mein Bhar Lo Paani
jo Shaheed Hue Hain Unki
zara Yaad Karo Qurbaani
jab Ghayal Hua Himaalay
khatre Mein Padi Aazadi
jab Tak Thi Saans Lade Vo
phir Apni Laash Bichha Di
sangeen Pe Dhar Kar Maatha
so Gaye Amar Balidaani
jo Shaheed...

jab Desh Mein Thi Diwali
vo Khel Rahe The Holi
jab Ham Baithe The Gharon Mein
vo Jhel Rahe The Goli
the Dhanya Javaan Vo Aapane
thi Dhanya Vo Unaki Javaani
jo Shaheed ...

koi Sikh Koi Jaat Maraatha
koi Gurakha Koi Madaraasi
sarahad Pe Maranevaala
har Veer Tha Bhaaratavaasi
jo Khoon Gira Parvat Par
vo Khoon Tha Hindustaani
jo Shaheed...

thi Khoon Se Lath-Path Kaaya
phir Bhi Bandook Uthaake
das-Das Ko Ek Ne Maara
phir Gir Gaye Hosh Ganva Ke
jab Ant-Samay Aaya To
kah Gaye Ke Ab Marate Hain
khush Rahana Desh Ke Pyaaron
ab Ham To Safar Karate Hain
kya Log The Vo Deewane
kya Log The Vo Abhimaani
jo Shaheed...

tum Bhool Na Jaao Unko
is Liye Kahi Ye Kahaani
jo Shaheed...
jay Hind Jay Hind Ki Sena -2
jay Hind, Jay Hind, Jay Hind

(A tribute from this lesser mortal to the great sons of this motherland)

Jaago India Jaago

“Is desh ka kuch nahi ho sakta!” mulls the quartet in ‘Rang De Basanti’ before being countered by the young IAF fighter. He depicts one who still has faith in the country and more so has the courage and zeal to take on the zillions of cynics who dot the expanse of the country. I would choose to alienate myself from the cynic chunk and relate myself to the other lot. Even as the doomsday sayers have outnumbered me by much, that doesn’t deter me in the vision I see for my motherland. I say “My Motherland” and not “Our Motherland” for I believe this country doesn’t belong to the losers who have resigned their fate in the hands of few jokers whom we choose to call “politicians”.

Any kind of catastrophe striking my country and I find people around me going gung-ho blaming the politicians. I order (not request, because these people allow themselves to be dominated by others) don’t blame the politician, blame me for this mess. Blame me for I am the one, who failed in choosing the right law-maker. Blame me because I have failed in mobilizing people to choose their representative with a rational mind. Having said this, I have another thing to add to it “I might have failed, but I am not a failure”. If I have the power to bestow them as law-makers, I can very well show them their rightful place.

My inaction has got this country to this stage and I can’t afford it to deteriorate further and let the country go to dogs. I have had enough and it’s high time I put my foot down and say “Enough is enough”! I am the change I want to see and it’s going to dawn very soon. For if you want to see the change sooner all you got to do is, share my vision for the country, join my mission for the country. The transformation of the country into a better place is inevitable and I am here to see that it happens. Just that it’s going so be much sooner if all the ‘I’s turn into ‘We’.

Lastly have just one thing to say,

Ab bhi jiska khoon na khoula khoon nahi wo paani hai,
jo des ke kaam na aaye woh bekaar jawani hai

AlviDa da

Because when you announced your retirement, you said "Hopefully we will end up on a winning note". We did.
Because you were the only guy referred to as the royal Prince and the high-street bully "Dada" at the same time.
Because when you scored that classic debut century at Lord's, some thought you will be a one-knock wonder. At Trent Bridge, you stunned them all again with a double barrel.
Because when you played those heavenly cover drives, Rahul Dravid said, "There is only God and then Sourav Ganguly on the off-side". Maybe even the Almighty would have just moved to mid-on.
Because you took over as captain when match-fixing clouds hung over, but you made the right bets for the team.
Because with Sachin Tendulkar, you made ODI opening a treat for Indians, and a nightmare for the opposition. It was left right, left right, alright.
Because when Andrew Flintoff ran naked chest on national display at Wankhede, you lost your shirt.
Because when the Oz threatened you with chin music, you played hip-hop with them at Brisbane hitting a majestic hundred.
Because you never quite understood the logic and rationale behind being dropped even after scoring 10,000 runs plus in ODIs and in good nick. You are not good at reading whodunits.
Because they burnt your effigies and hurled stones at your team in 2003, and then you led India to the finals of the World Cup in South Africa.
Because you discovered youngsters, groomed, encouraged and inspired Yuvraj, Harbhajan, Zaheer, Irfan and MSD to become our future heroes.
Because you suffered the humiliation from Greg Chappell and several critics with humility, dignity and grace.
Because you proved that the word "age" is not a four-letter word.
Because when axed, you concealed your hurt and disappointment, went and played local tournaments and sneaked back into the team. Then Johannesburg happened. Your fairy-tale return had happened.
Because you have redefined the word comeback. And grit. And determination. And fighting spirit. And leadership. And many unmentioned superlatives.
Because MSD seems to have taken the leadership baton from you, for the good of Indian cricket.
Because you never traded your self-respect, and when they dropped you for the Irani Cup, you said---Enough!
Because you taught Indians to fight back, not turn around in defeat.
Because even 7,000 Test runs and 10,000 ODI runs is sometimes insufficient to measure your heroics for Indian cricket.
Because the 2001 series win against Australia marked a historic victory in one of the greatest series ever. You were India's captain.
Because if it exasperated Steve Waugh, you let him wait for the toss.
Because hopefully, we will still see you in black shining armour, Prince, for the KKR in IPL next year.
Because on the Lord's balcony, we discovered that you were not six-abs-pack.
Because at Nagpur this time, you had the last laugh, and India, the last hurrah. The final frontier is recaptured.
Because you did a Pepsi ad for your team, even as you stood silently alone in Kolkota.
Because you will not be ever seen in whites again. Scoring runs, bowling those deceptive medium pacers. And perhaps, even misfielding.
Because your fans will borrow from a new TV ad, and say "We miss you so much, it hurts".
Because it is time to let you go home to your family, and friends.
Because now you can watch colleagues like Sachin and VVS and Ishant on the television like all of us.
Because tomorrow morning you will join Gavaskar, Vishwanath, Bedi and Srikanth as a "former" player. An ex.
Because you can now perhaps play football as well at Eden Gardens.
Because it's time to say good-bye.
Because you did us proud.
Because you never gave up.
Because if you don't deserve the salutations from us all Indians, who do.
(Original Article by Sanjay Jha on IBNLive.com)

Your Time Starts Now!



I had researched and organised the content for the quiz. This quiz was hosted as part of the monthly quizzing activity for the SEQC people. The QuizMaster???? Yours Truly. :)
For further details, do visit www.seqc.blogspot.com

The Simian Way

My self-imposed sabbatical had given me good time off from the hectic grilling of the professional life. I had been seeking a break from the usual nitty-gritty of my office to devote time to seemingly more important tasks in my life. And thanks to my large-hearted manager I was able in getting a long leave sanctioned for myself.

So I spent or rather invested large pie of my time studying for some upcoming competitive exams; and a lesser share of time towards other stuff like instilling some life in my blog with new posts as you might have observed by now. So my routine had been more like study, study, study with short breaks sprinkled in between. These breaks ranged from grabbing a quick bite to quench my appetite to grabbing some news bite mostly to check whether the stock market bears have found the abyss (unfortunately I got disappointed each time to see the bears reigning). And there are times when I just shut slam and stacked my books and off I went outdoor to loosen myself. One such time I was just swinging on the swing in our veranda wherein I got to observe something that drove me to the next post of mine.

As I was swinging like a child, I happen to see a pack of monkeys who had just arrived in our yard/garden and were reigning mayhem. Not that it was the first time the apes had come calling on us; just that this time I seem to strike a rare analogy between them and something more ghastly that has been plaguing our country. As I observed they moved in packs from tree to tree, eating less destroying much more. As they hopped from one branch to another they didn’t seem to spare any of the trees especially fruit-bearing; relishing on the spread of the nature. This destruction is very much visible to us and so much more painful. Not that they can’t be tackled but for the self-professed protectors of the apian clan in form of the animal activists they do escape the wrath time and again. The reason they put forth is that these apes are very much like us. Indeed, these monkeys are very much like humans but alas they aren’t humans;

And this brings me to the analogy that I see in them with the serious acts of terrorism that has been plaguing our country throughout its expanse. And the name that takes centre-stage in such terrorist activities is that of SIMI. The human-like non-humans have been busy decimating the face of our motherland with their destructive acts. What ends they intend to achieve through the destructive means has remained oblivious to me till date. These destructive organizations had been carrying out attacks on the innocent population time and again. And the regularity with which they have been striking seems to me that their appetite is showing no signs of quenching. Rather they aren’t interested in satisfying gastro-intestinal craving or any other craving they might be harboring deep within themselves. All they want and desire is destruction of the normal flow of human life. Just like the apes, they are interested in causing harm and destruction all throughout the expanse. As the general public try to find rationale behinds these terrorism; still exists there defendants of these terrorists who like to portray the compassionate angle of viewing at them. Their arguments doesn’t differ much from the animal activists in that they want to see at these destructive forces are someone amongst us and someone like us. But, alas they aren’t.

Yes, I can’t and won’t like to deny that we evolved from the apes. But the similarity ends there for we have evolved and they haven’t. And this is good enough a reason as per me to use different yardstick for either. For these the terrorist outfits should be dealt with tougher manners, something befitting the tag of ‘the law of the jungle’ for they shall understand only that. For a simple reason that, they don’t differ from the apes in much way… so much so that their collective pronoun too sounds so very identical… SIMIan way.

The hooters were activated due to a faulty detector!

The hooters were activated due to a faulty detector!
(Inspired by the numerous and regular false alarms followed by the broadcast from suzie)

Shuru hua yeh tab, jab implement hui policy for prevention of fire;
Taaki alert rahe sab, subah-shaam aur charo preher!
The hooters were activated due to a faulty detector!

Hue bahut mock evacuation drills, bhagayaa humko idhar udhar;
Taaki hamesha safe rahe hum from calamity and fire!
The hooters were activated due to a faulty detector!

Aur ab jo Kisi wing mein, kisine jalaayi maachis ya cigarrate agar;
Utt jaata hai dhuaa, aur phir bajtaa hai hooter!
The hooters were activated due to a faulty detector!

Siren ki awaaz sunte hi, hota hai aatank, chaa jaata hai keher;
Bhaagta hai koi, koi karta hai prayer!
The hooters were activated due to a faulty detector!

Bhagte hai fire co-ordinator, charo taraf, baahar aur andar;
Actual site pe pahuche toh jaana ke...
The hooters were activated due to a faulty detector!

Socho agar ek din, sach mein lagti hai aag premises ke bhitar;
Intejaar me baite hai hum, ki koi bole!
The hooters were activated due to a faulty detector.

Comedy of Melody

Thanks to the largesse of my US based client I had this unrestricted access to yet another cool app from Google … the “You Tube”. And as I was clicking randomly through the video uploaded by numerously infinite Netizens who have chosen to broadcast them… I ended up clicking on the link which was childishly named Peterpan-Tak Bisakah. As my curiosity spiraled, I found myself already clicking the link. The video took no time to stream in, once again thanks to the bandwidth that my esteemed organization provides me with, though not for the purpose I am using it for now ;).

As the video started rolling, the crooning by the slit-eyed lead vocalist didn’t hit me as much thanks to the language that was entirely foreign to me; what was familiar was the soundtrack that the guitarist and the drummer were weaving. As the prelude and later the track pleasantly started hitting my ear drums; I realized this isn’t entirely alien but I was equally sure that this was my first hit to this video. The wheels in my brain started rolling; the grey cells began churning trying to wonder whether I was the member of the group in my earlier incarnation, but Alas! It wasn’t to be.

Just then my memory cells pinged, and I realized the music was sounding very similar to a track “Kya Muzhe Pyaar Hai” from a recent Hindi movie “Woh Lamhe”. Wait! did do I say ‘similar’? It was indeed ditto. In a flash, I knew it was a perfect copy-paste work by some music composer from Bollywood. Though some patriotic feelings did ooze out in me, which hinted at the Hindi track being the original and the guys from the east might have picked it up; but my mind wasn’t ready to comply with my heart. So I set out to clear my doubts, though logically I didn’t have any doubts as to which version was the elder amongst the two.

Few queries in Google and a couple of wiki pages confirmed the assumption I had made. It was an original track by some band called “Peterpan” from Indonesia. As the case of plagiarism of established, my mind had made another assumption as to who the Bollywood composer could be. So, as I Googled once more. This time I was shocked (I wonder pleasantly shocked or otherwise) to see my assumption was way off the mark. Like me you might have guessed it to be the one and only ‘Anu Mallik’ but it wasn’t to be… It was a comparatively a new kid on the block… Pritam.

I was compelled to hit the Google/you tube one more time. This time the search was on ‘Pritam Copy cat acts’. As it dawned to me the search results stretched beyond a single page. In fact all his major hits were picked up or ‘inspired’ (as they choose to describe their act) from somewhere or the other, majority from Asia. “Plagiarism at its best!”, I sighed.

I remember once Mr. Anu Mallik, the original copy master had famously said and I quote “Even copying is an art”. After four years of engineering and infinite number of backs I should agree with him and I do. Its quiet an art to sew words for a totally different dialect onto the original piece of music. I acknowledge that it’s not anyone’s cup of tea to liven up the string of word with some melodious music. But having said that, I strongly feel against blatant plagiarism and claiming someone else’s work as one’s own. Copying by itself is not as big an offense as doing it without giving credit to the original artists themselves is. In today’s world where all content produced is distributed to the most remote part of the globe, one can’t escape being caught red-handed. More so, it even hampers the original work of art by these masters of Ctrl+C Ctrl+V. The master of copying Anu Mallik, who had even gone a step forward with applying same tune to two different songs, did come out with some really melodious tunes in movies like Border and Refugee. But general mindset is such that public tend to remember the wrong doings more than rest of the things.

The business of copying can be seen through a noble angle too. Look it in a way of offering tribute to the original artists or spreading his work to even a larger set of audience. But this could be done, when one gracefully accepts the source of the work. In such a way, one could achieve fame and skip being called a plagiarist too.

Googled

Somewhere midway through a routine and needless to say boring day at the office; As I was aimlessly glaring at the code on the screen, something popped at the bottom right corner of the screen. As I shifted my sight from the IDE to checkout as to who felt like spamming my mailbox, it was yet another forward from an OB friend of mine who had religiously taken up the task of filling my inbox to the bream. I had even contemplated setting a outlook-rule to re-direct her mails into the thrash bin but then held myself from it because they were the only good things that happened to me in the long and strenoous day at office. So as I involuntarily clicked on the pop-up to glance(not read) at it before moving it to its final resting place, I was pleasantly surprised to see a nice pic of a person performing pooja. Pooja of God. No, you got it wrong, I didn't mean to indicate any deity worship but GOD stands for Google Oriented Development. "Yet another forward"? naah, it wasn't just another forward anymore and how it could be? After all, it had to do with Google and more importantly it was about glorification of google.

Google, has been the MAAI-BAAP of vast humanity of IT geeks. Well, I wont be very wrong if I go a step further and say the entire Indian IT industry is based on two pillars. One being 'google' and the other being "copy-paste". Googling the keyword, and copy-pasting the code has been the mantra for the IT nerds across companies and hierarchies. It shouldn't be surprising to see parody of the motto of an India IT giant read as "Powered by Google, Driven by copy-paste".

Take a second off and ask yourself "When was the last time you use the word 'Web-Search' in your life?". Chances are there that even rewinding through years wont fetch you the answer. So much so that Google has been the synonym for web-search, it has been a synonym for source-code for us. Needless to say, it has created a own brand for itself in this pursuit.

Google has been an integral part of the lives of Software Engineers. So much has been the impact, that the day (god forbid) Google site is down, many among us will have to leave for a vacation. I openly acknowledge the value of Google in my life and even further add to it that my survival in this world of IT depends on my access to it. For that matter, even the companies that recruit us involuntarily acknowledges this fact. Otherwise, wonder why Google site is never blocked in the most stringent of the workplaces? What else can justify the fact that 'Google' is the site which is set as browser homepage by majority who access the "mayagaal" of web?

Google, as a company too has been worthy of accolades. What started as a university level project venture and transformed into a name to reckon with in matter of not many years. Their business model has been reaping huge gains for Google and with its innovative and more so free software, it has been giving the other big-wigs a run for their money. Not only it has been hawking for more share of IT pie, it has promoted itself up the ladder of 'best-employer' list.

So, everybody say "Om jai google hare, swami jai google hare!" ...

P.S: I reccomend you use www.blackle.com. This site is a Google custom search and claims to save on energy usage. The claims on energy saving need to be cross-verified though the search-results are the same as that google.

With great powers come great responsibilities

Was flipping through channels on a laidback Sunday evening, just when the familiar Peter Parker caught my eye and I paused to watch it for yet another time. The friendly neighbourhood Spiderman was just evolving in his heroic self when Uncle Ben advises him, which just like any other teen, Peter shrugs off. The words of wisdom being “With great powers come great responsibilities”.

As these words echoed in my mind, came to my mind the thought and probable title of my next post. And, here it is.

Not very far back in the past and a friend of mine just happen to casually quote one thing. He said and I quote “To test a man’s character, give him power”. (There happen to be a second half to this quote but I choose to ignore it at this juncture). This quote by him seems to strike me like a bolt from the blue. ‘How true?’ I asked myself. Because the only common thing that one can relate all the famous and notorious men the world has seen till date is the five lettered word called POWER. I consciously and deliberately mentioned about the fame and notoriety part of these powerful leaders because it was the use or sometimes abuse that tilted the scale of popularity in their favour or against them. Those who used it for larger good of the masses climbed the scale of popularity, while those who abused their power must have been certainly hovering in the negative regions on this scale.

Power to many is brute force, but in reality it’s not just that. The father of our nation was seemingly a very powerful leader who played an instrumental role in setting the sun over the British Empire. He neither had the muscle power in his arms nor was backed up with heavy armoury. His power came from his way of thinking and probably his concept of Non-violence. He was able to create and mobilise an enormous pool of humanity who seemed to follow his way of living and these unified mass in turn proved to his power.

On the other hand there are others who have abused power. I know these leaders whom I call notorious might be considered as gods in certain pockets of the globe but my branding them so is based more wide accepted norm of popularity. Take for e.g. the biggest fugitive of our times, Osama Bin Laden. He too undoubtedly is a powerful leader, otherwise how would he have been able to elude the might of the US marines till date. But, the million dollar question is, ‘Is he a popular leader’? I am quiet confident the nays will outweigh the yeas by zillions. No wonder such a verdict reveals that he abused the powers he had, to ruin the demography of the world. His powers were mainly because the Kalashnikov he wielded and the fortress of brainwashed fundamentalist maniacs he had build around him by misguiding them in the garb of religion.

Not just these big names, even you and me can be powerful leaders fuelled by the power of strong will. If you have the fire in the belly, then that can very well serve as the powerhouse for you. A notable personality and someone we could relate ourselves with is that of RTI activist. His power was empowerment of the general public with the tool of “Right to Information”. His struggle was undoubtedly not restricted to his self interest, but stretched beyond for serving the mankind. These examples speak for themselves, for the power we might carry should serve the larger interest of the public. Only then one could be identified as a truly powerful being.

In our pursuit of raw power we seem to forget the true essence of it. A powerful leader need not be a popular leader; but a popular leader is definitely a powerful leader because he will be having a might of his fans and followers backing him up. Thus the golden verses of Uncle Ben should never be forgotten.

An untitled poem of my life

Tell me, what I am? A creature with a name plate?
My designation eludes me beyond the company gate.

Techie nerd? Naah, I am an average joe;
How, where, why? I just don’t know.

Feels like an obnoxious dog, looking at the neck strap;
Money is myth, that’s holding me in this career trap.

What I am is not what I wanted to be;
I gonna make it to the top, for others to see.

All my heart craves for, is a long sabbatical;
No worries, professional nor economical.

Things are gonna get better, Life is gonna change;
Shots are gonna hit target, only at the firing range.

The need of the hour is to make the move;
Somehow get going, get over the glue.

The other perspective...

“Every coin has two faces” they say and indeed it does. A couple of days rewind, and I got to see a positive side of the 2 inches long tobacco stuffed stick a.k.a cigarette. The statuary warning that come along had kept me away from it till date and will continue to do so; but I was pleased to see what a bonding a cig can enforce between two individuals. These two puff buddies seemed to have entwined their lives into one another’s; and their bonhomie pushed me to this next blog of mine, if not pushing me into joining them to smoke my life out.

As a child we have always been chanted to look at things in a positive way and as we clock more miles on our age track the chanting haven’t ceased.

But often do I think, do all things that look good are indeed noble? And for those matters are all things that are projected to us in negatives shades equally evil? For the things we take on face value need not be the same that they depict they are. A right hand as seen in the mirror is the left one; and equally true is the other way round.

What better example to take then our own epics. Thanks to the evangelism of Mr. Ramanand sagar and latter Mr. Sanjay Khan; and even more thanks to the non-advent of remote control and cable television that prevented me from flipping between frequencies, my adolescence years were sprayed with constant and daily doses of the mythological sagas. Be it the “Maryada-purshottam”ism of Lord Rama in the Ramayana or be the “Kaurav-Pandav” duel in the Mahabharat. Ofcourse, then there were “The sword of Tipu-Sultan”, “Prithviraj Chauvan”, “Jesus”, “Jai Hanuman”, “Gautam Buddha” and finitely numerous many.

I might be charged of blasphemy but still I prefer to stick to the Hindu mythics involving the Rama, the Kauravs and the pandavas.

So, one could briefly summarize the Ramayan as the story of lord Rama, an incarnation of the lord Vishnu, known for his portrayal of a idealistic man and his victory over the ten headed devil Ravana. No one will challenge my brief summary above, but as it’s said the devil lies in the details. Let’s start with the villain in the story, the devil as it might be doubly reinforced by the possession of 10 heads. But this devil Ravana, a son of a sage, was a devout Shiv worshipper and had performed ages of worship and the very not so human trait of possession of ten heads was a result of his offering of head that many number of times to please the almighty lord Shiva. Finally blessed by Shiva, he was gifted by the eternal source of power the “Lingam” which was snatched from Ravana in not so very fair manner by the rest of the gods anticipating abuse of it by him. Moving from the villain to the hero of the mythological saga, The lord Rama. Was it right on his part to seek “agni-pariksha” to verify the sanctity of his better half; the very lady who readily boarded on a 15 years exile in wilderness resigning to all the cosy comforts of the flourishing kingdom? Was this act befitting to the tag of Maryada-purshottam?

Moving from the one epic to even a more voluminous epic. The epic whose theme was set around the battle of Kurukshetra. Draupadi was mentioned to have taunted Duryodhan about his father’s blindness which angered him and led to her “vastraharan” and the entire Mahabharat followed suit. The shade of grey that characterized the skin tone of Lord Krishna, also seem to have seeped into his character too; for that throughout the entire length of the epic he was involved in some sleight or the other. Even though Pandavas being depicted as the positive characters, didn’t hold them from playing the sleight and tricks that Lord Krishna suggested. Though Kauravas, or the supposedly the evil force, did play the game strictly by the rules; the Pandavas seem to bending the rules time and again. Be it the eclipsing of Sun by Krishna, or be it the Ashwathama incident. Be it the foul Killing of Karn when he was down of his chariot, to the tactful and equally foul killing of duryodhan.

By all this, I don’t intend to malign any of the holy lords neither do I want to indulge into profanation of the holy sages that were scripted by Vyas and others. The whole point of this blog is to inculcate in oneself a viewpoint of looking at things in a totally unpartisan and in an unbiased manner devoid of any sorts of prejudice.

Disclaimer: I am a devout Hindu and proud to be one. I have full faith and belief in the scriptures and the epics that have transcended down through generation. Through my write-up above, I do not intend to malign or belittle in any way the hindu mythological figures as depicted in the mythic. For that matter, I could have picked any other religion/epic to drive my point across. Be it the “Jehad” in Islam or the “Divinity of Jesus” in Christianity; but I choose to cite examples from my very own religion for the sake of not being labelled “communal” by the self-proclaimed “seculars”.

A Man of No Action

Yours truly, is the one I am pointing to. I should be ashamed to say that and very much so I am. But at the same time, I am proud that I realize it and more so am able to ridicule myself. If you have been reading till here, you might have made an opinion about me by now; needless to say it won’t be impressive for a self-proclaimed lazy bump. But No! that’s not what I want to portray me as for the simple fact that I am not lazy, not even anywhere close to it.


Then why do I call myself the way I have? Well, there are reasons for me to be self critical and even more importantly I wonder whether this will serve as enough of impetus for me to ward off my inertia and spring me into action in pursuit of my destination? If it does, then this attempt of self-degradation will do me a ton of good; and I pinning my hopes that it indeed will help in my pursuit. I hope you must have wandered through my previous blog “Ek Akela Is Shehar Mein” and after reading that you must be very much acquainted by the plight I find myself in. Continuing on that, I have planned to break out of the jinx known as "job". Its with no less shame, I have to say that these plans haven't materialized as yet. I guess its gonna take time for these paper giants to transform into actual flesh and blood. Breaking out of these self-imposed restrictions that job (I choose to call it "Slavery") brings alone has ranked very high on my priority list and rightly so. Its a irony though that I choose to execute the tasks in my priority list with a totally screwed up sequence.


I have never been bereft of business plans. Infact, my disliking for my current job profile have been sprouting many plans in my mind. I have been churning my gray matter and coming up with some brilliant ideas (and I say this without the slighest tinge of boasting). I had been looking forward to others whose could identify themselves with me and crank me into motion. My tete-a-tete with the friends sprinkled across the globe help me locate thinkers at same frequencies but they, like me(unfortunately :-( ) seemed to be overpowered by the Newton's first law. Additionally, thanks to my non-dislike to reading, I had read quiet a handful of inspirational books/write-ups which feeds motivational fuel to the fire within. Guess, when these volcano gonna erupt?


But, as slapstick reality beckons me and I still find myself in equally deep(if not deeper) mess, the good old proverb "Action speaks louder than Words" makes its larger than life presence felt. On a positive note, one thing for sure and I seek solace from it for the time being; if at all I don’t know what I want, atleast I know what I don’t want. As a final quote of self assurance, I would like to say... I am just like that little bird who has got enough strength in its wings to set on the flight alone; the apprehension and the fear of fall can hold me back for a while but the flight is inevitable. Ameen!



The Man of the Match…

The man behind the success of IPL is Subhash Chandra. No, it’s not a typo. I indeed mean the IPL or the BCCI backed Indian Premier League. By now you might be wondering whether I am in my senses when I made this statement; but believe me there is a rational mind resting over my shoulders.

Had I said the zee group patriarch was the reason for the failure of IPL; few of you might even have subscribed to my views, now that execution of the entire ICL clubbed together with the exciting and the close-finish matches played had seriously given IPL run for its money. But it is bound to get some raised eye-brows when I name the man-of-the-match of IPL as the Mr. Chandra, whose brain-child is the ICL. And when I name him so, I have reasons to believe that. For me, IPL would not have existed; had not Mr. Chandra conceptualized and successfully executed the so-called rebel league or the ICL.

He must have done it for reasons other than mere upliftment of cricket in the nook and corner of the vast expanse of our motherland as been projected to us; he must have had his vested economic interests in the success of the ICL, but it goes without saying that the true beneficiaries of it have been the virtually unknown or at best not-so-known cricketer who has been slogging day-in and day-out at the Ranji circuit hoping for the India blue-cap which most of the time eludes them. It’s an open secret that denial of lucrative broadcasting rights by BCCI (on technical grounds even when Zee group bided the highest) forced the Zee group to start its own league. They might have started it to cash-in on the enormous moolah that Cricket broadcastings in India comes with but nevertheless the sundry domestic cricketers as well international players in their twilight years are also going to gain from it. Be it Paul Harris of New-Zealand who retired from International Cricket or be in Swapnil Asnodkar (a talented Ranji player from Goa who quiet didn’t make it to the national scene), its just a win-win situation for all regardless to which league they belong to.

Even as, on face-value the IPL seems too be more glamorous with celebrity from different fields owning the teams and the players been virtually sold to them for exorbitant prices; ICL does deserve the credit for it dared to swim in the uncharted waters. They entered the arena where in they didn’t even had the slightest clue of what was there in the offing for them; and needless to say they came up trumps. Not just they conceptualized, organized and executed the tournament to perfection but even scared the richest cricket body in the world to get defensive or at best counter-offensive mode. The very fact that BCCI denied ICL any access to ground and stadium facilities affiliated to them not just showcases how threatened they were feeling; how also exposes their commitment towards development of cricket in India.

As ICL bandwagon kicked and started rolling steadily, sponsors started pouring in huge sums of money considering the value for money their getting in addition to the air time. The economic behemoth that BCCI is, saw this as yet another money-spinning business and jumped to grab yet another chance to fill in their already overflowing coffers. What else does explain the sudden change of mind of the BCCI office-bearers to start a league with T20 matches, when they were very much reluctant to imbibe the 20-20 format in the domestic calendar and even were reluctant to send a full fledged national team for the world T20 world cup? Even the formidable Mr. Lalit Modi, who lately has bestowed himself with the title “Commissioner of IPL” was so much influenced by the ICL that he mistakenly welcomed the guests at the launch of IPL by saying “Welcome to the ‘Indian Cricket League’”.

Such is dynamism of this man, who when denied a rightful place; went on to create his own powerhouse. Indeed, a true man of the match…

Benched!

The most memorable phase in my short but eventful stint in the IT world came by in the last month when I was been tagged the proverbial ‘OB’… The “On-Bench” phase which attract a variety of reactions from the techies around you; depending on subset they belong to. The not-so-average Joe won’t mind being an OB lifelong; while the alpha-geek looks down towards the OB as a NPA.

Being OB was something I always longed for since ages. Although I was apprised by the other experienced OB about boredom that creeps in while in the phase; I somehow tend to enjoy my days quiet literally on the bench. After all, it was a much needed and much sought for sabbatical from the grueling project which like a vampire seemed to suck the last drop of blood from almost lifeless body of mine.

The rule “birds of same feather flock together” quiet rightly epitomizes in here, as you could see the gang of OBs hoping from the pantry to the gym and into the cafeteria quiet like the bee squatting from flower to flower taking essence of each and everything. The idle phase oozed out the artist in me and I penciled quiet a few cartoons/sketches. So much so, that I had demands flooding in from my colleagues to sketch out something for them which I readily agreed to. I even substantially added to literally prowess in the free time I got by scribbling a few articles. No wonder my blog was suddenly sparkling with the new write-ups and was no longer web-space hogger cobweb site that it was till very recent past. I also spruced up my TT skills; not that I got transformed into a giant-killer TT ace but nevertheless I would not be a cake-walk any longer. Thankfully my non-affiliation to computer-games spared me from the Tetris elbows that others in the clan did suffer from. Virtually, I had jotted some alternative professions for me.

And as the liveware in the clan tend to accumulate the extra fat, so does the system. With system usage generally dropping to significantly low levels and in most cases limited to the World Wide Wait(read surfing), the peripherals too slip into some kind of ailments. I could witness bad case keyboard plaque; while the rest system screams for some percussive maintenance.

But like every other thing, the OB phase too comes with its ills. Being idle when the general industry sentiment is poor and when news of lay-offs and bankruptcy line up to grab the share of the print and the electronic media; it goes without saying that the OBs tend to become the sitting ducks. In times of recession, the tag OB promotes oneself up the hit-list and you are always amongst the first to be uninstalled. Even during boom time, it might spell doom to those who are benched during the appraisal time. Its just going to be a salmon day for the OB even when you have been the stress-puppy for the better part of the year and ends up being a CLM (Career-Limiting Move).

All in all, I enjoyed my limited time on bench and it was indeed much needed to charge up my fully drained batteries before I could take up some other assignments. And I personally believe a limited experience in OBism might quiet augment one’s resume too; though one should see to it that one don’t become ‘OB’solete or ‘OB’noxious.

Scarred beyond healing

I remember the days, when I used to wonder why Goa never figured on the daily bulletin. Each state or even smaller cities used to hog limelight day-in and day-out. Probably, the only time Goa used to make news was the year end when all the party revelers used to head for Goan shores for the New Year bash. And occasionally the pack of jokers sitting in the assembly playing the toppling game used to do their bit to attract publicity.


But off late the scenario has been totally contrast. Goa have been the making the headlines on all the leading newspapers and gulping huge amount of air-time on every other media channel. The sad part is that, it’s in news for all the wrong reasons. Be in the RP 2011, or the instability in the government. Be it the law-makers turned law-breakers episode or the SEZ muddle. To top it all, the molestations of foreigners that has created unprecedented hype off late.

Thanks to all this, Goa has been loosing its reputation of being calm and serene that it always has been; and I strongly believe it still is to a large extent. So, why all these issue have become nemesis for Goans and projecting it in a bad light to the world media? For I believe (and I don’t even remotely want to be politically correct) the root cause is the influx. Not just the population influx; but even the cultural, social or ideological influx that Goa is been targeted with.

I wonder whether there exists a single soul on the planet who has seen the audience to the breathtaking scenery of Goa, and still escaped without getting captivated, fascinated by the nature’s bounties that it had to offer. But the very USP is proving to be the nemesis for the Goekars. The pleasant climate, add to it the fascinating countryside and pristine sea-shores, top it with the warmth that Goans are blessed with has made each tourists feel like making their short experience into a lifelong one. And for me this is the root-cause of all the ills that has been plaguing the fairyland of earth. One should realize one is subjected to warmth, courtesy when he acts like a guests; but when the same guests stays put then he no longer can expect the same treatment till eternity.


I fear sounding regionalist but Goa is Goa because of the Goans (I mean the natives “Goekars” and not the aliens who have immigrated and proud themselves in calling so); and it is bound to loose its sheen when the natives are outnumbered by the aliens. The few ills that I mentioned earlier are somehow or other related to the immigration muddle. Take the case of RP2011. Those involved were all game to chop the greens of Goa to make way for sprawling residential villas and malls. A very prominent example of such exploitation of mother earth has been the one on the Betim hill looking over the scenic view of the river Mandovi and ancient Portuguese architecture that dot the city of Panaji. Worse still it has been the project by a very famous industrial house which claims to do business by ethics. Just makes me wonder where they had shelved their ethics who committing such brutalities on this forest belt? All these apartments and facilities as everyone knows were exorbitantly priced and its left to no ones guess that there were targeted for clientele not within the subset of the world named Goa. It just amazes me as to how the parties involved in this project are up to kill to the golden egg laying hen for a one time gain.

The scarlet keeling (the name inspired the title of this blog) incident was yet another wound on the already beautiful but now bleeding face of Goa. The incident and the plight of the tourists are certainly condemnable but it has been hyped up way out of proportion. A couple of Goan names involved seem to have been marring the entire Goan population. The ones who are involved surely should be dealt with the tough arm of the law but they should not be allowed to spoil the Goan reputation. The Dutts, Roys and the Sardessais of the Indian media who have been hell bent of tarnishing us just to add up to their TRPs shouldn’t be let to do so. When they screamed in the over-inflated voice in some publicity-seeking chat shows regarding the unsafe nature of the Goan beaches or the rave parties; they should be asked as to how many Goans (and again I mean the native Goekars) would you find at this venues. I can safely bet my head on the fact that not even a tenth of the people found at the rave parties would be Goekars and those who are must be actually peddlers (and not party revelers) who should be given the short end of the stick. Same is true with the beaches too. The silver shores have been such an everyday thing for the locals that I wonder as to how many of them actually get indulged in getting themselves tanned, sun-baked on the sands (spare the local fisherman for their tryst with the sea and the shore will be on till eternity).


Goans are notorious for their laid-back attitude and the tag “sushegaad” does get prefixed to our names at birth. But each of us have proven it that when it comes to assaulting our motherland, we shall spring into action at the blink of the eye. The government was brought to their heels the last time the Goekars upped their ante against the land sharks involved in the regional plan. It wasn’t a one time wonder as people had done it in the past during the Nylon 66 issue and more recently the SEZ saga; and we won’t be showing any qualms in repeating many more times if some perils try to strike our motherland. A little warning to end this… Mess with Goans, and you will end in a mess.

Back it up

35 til’ I fly…(Sing in the tune of 18 til I die)

I didn't wanna fail in my college life
whenever I did - answered twice and thrice
still the results were out screaming to retry
Its gotta be 35 til I fly - 35 til I fly

can't fail forever that's wishful thinkin'
I always knew that when I was flunkin'
don't wanna cram up; cheats! I don't wanna try
I just score less as marks fly by

35 til I fly - gotta get 35 til I fly
it never feels good, I just feel shy
someday I'll be 35 goin' on 55! - 35 til I fly

anyway - I just wanna say
why bother about the backs of yesterday
it's not my fault, I studied every minute
if ya wanna clear, go get cheats in it - 35 til I fly

a 'lil cheats of this - a 'lil cheats of that
'lil cheats of everything - gotta get on track
it's not wat ya gulped, it's what ya pucked outside
just don't care when - don't need to know why

35 til I pass - gonna be 35 til I fly
ya it sure feels good to be alive
someday I'll be 35 goin' on 55! - 35 til I fly
ya there's one thing for sure - I'm sure gonna try

don't worry 'bout the future - forget about the past

gonna have a back - ya we're gonna have a blast
gonna make it fast - 35 til I fly


Ameya Ajinkya Mardolkar
(compiled after being bombarded with backs in 4th sem)

D-day at the D-street

“Hammered” is what they call a scrip which had been beaten down at the bourses. And hammered I am for I am holding such fallen angels by the dozen.

I had the intent to get my hands dirty in the equity market since quiet long. But somehow I was just procrastinating over that thought for ages; may be it was the dearth of liquid in my purse that was delaying my grand entry. And finally one fine day the day dawned when I said to myself “come what may, I am going to invest in the markets and I am going to invest it now”. So after juggling between many brokerages firms and after being receiving end of numerous seemingly tantalizing marketing calls, I zeroed on a broker. Wasn’t the cheapest of the lot but then I being a novice in here, I wanted someone to hold my hand and teach me to how to walk. So, I thought of shelling out the extra buck to pick the friendly neighborhood guy over the rest of the pack.

After the arduous procedure of filling the form and millions of signatures (which should not differ much from the others), there I was; ready for it. Though at his moment I don’t seem to remember my feelings then. Was I feeling like a knight in the silver armor all set for the conquest or was it a feeling of a scapegoat who is shortly going to get butchered?

Having let my impatience rein over prudence and entering the markets when it was soaring at previously unseen and unrealistic levels; the plight I find myself in today (after the market crash) was not entirely unexpected. You don’t require to have knowledge of rocket science to foresee the imminent correction was in the offing. Probably my greed for instant appreciation of my investments had blinded me to a point when I could not see the crystal clear writing on the walls.

Its not that the markets let only the pain come my way. I had my share of sunny days before that inevitable happened. I had very decent ROI and was quiet content with the picks I took. And the way the bulls were running berserk, I like many other fellow equity-investors were laughing my way to the bank; unfortunately not literally (How I wish now, I should have actually liquidated my positions and stayed in cash L). Like a pig in the farmyard that overindulges in feed, I held onto my investment even after a substantial movement in the hope that the investment will provide even greater gains. The bull-run was on and the investors were minting money as if there was no tomorrow. All this euphoria let the human trait of greed ooze out of me, and I started dabbling into intraday day trades on margin funding by the broker (It means I use the money from the broker to buy equities and get to keep the profits on selling the same within the stipulated day). I had made huge positions in virtual nondescripts, worst so on borrowed money. To add to it, I also had my interest placed in the big “R” scrips which I knew didn’t exist in flesh and blood. The aura or should I say the angelic halo that the “R” scrips had in the market was too big to ignore. As luck would have it, even it didn’t elude me and I too fell for these paper demons. By the time it was on, Indian markets were gone (pun intended).


And finally the D-day dawned… and as Murphy would like to have it, it struck me in the worst manner. The inevitable had just happened but more so it happened in the most ruthless manner. The markets had crashed in such a drastic manner that it broke all the circuits set; the trades had to be called off and the investors could not sell their holdings. When markets reopened the scene was not much different, the herd instinct was prevailing and panic selling had set in. And as all this happened I was enjoying my day on a tour which I had set out on totally oblivious of the fact that my fortunes were dwindling at an alarming rate.

The phone rang and a beautiful voice from the other end just added to the already merry time I was having. But that wasn’t to last long as she dropped a bombshell onto me about the impending payment I am to make. I committed to her on the payment date still far fetched from the reality about the blood bath at the D-street. Hurriedly I called my broker and a bolt from blue struck me. I wish somebody should have recorded the transition in my facial expression then, it surely must have been a sight to watch. All my scrips had taken a pounding, the least were those for whom the circuit limits were set but even in those it meant I was stuck as I could not sell them off. Needless to say my fun-time at the tour had come to an end.

The very angelic broker who till very recently was nonchalantly tipping me on some never before heard of companies was suddenly turned into a recovery demon hell bent on getting his due recovered. I don’t blame it on them for that he is doing the job he is being paid for, but it was my decision and rather a stupid one to indulge into markets in such a way. The final result was that I had to wash my hands of few blue-chips that I was holding so I to pay off for the rest. With the beers still persisting, all I can do is seat and watch my portfolio slide into darker shades of red.

Bruised and battered after all this meltdown, I still seem to come out smiling for I am learned a lot many things, and learned them the hard way. I remembered I had read somewhere “Never invest something over which you will loose you sleep” and I am glad I did follow that religiously. I had leveraged my position in some seemingly more stable investments instruments and thanks to that am not feeling insomniac as yet. More so, I still believe in the India growth story and know for sure that someday I will recover all the money I invested for that it’s not any ill-gotten wealth that I had staked at the bourses.

There are tons of rags-to-riches stories that were drafted at the D-street and there exists equal probability of finding bankruptcy cases there. What probably differentiates both is a very thin line of prudence+ greed+ fear. “Every cloud has a silver lining” they say, and for me this silver lining is a too much a compelling reason to stay put. So here I am, here for a long haul and I am not running away from this mystical place. For that the Indian equivalent of Warren buffet hasn’t yet emerged on stage and who knows it may very well be ……… yes, you guessed it right!


- The Oracle of Goa. :)

Ek Akela Is Sheher Mein.....

I know one thing for sure. I am certainly an alien in this industry. Somehow the industry doesn’t belong to me and equally true is the other way round. But, still I am here, knee deep in this shit… motionless, unaware of the fact that I am sinking more and more in much deeper mess.

With each passing day, I am sure it is not going to get any easier for me to get out of it; but there I am totally 404 as to what do I do?

Tete-a-tete with my close pals convinced me that, I am not the only one who find oneself in such a plight. There might be many more like me who might choose to tag themselves "destiny's favourite weeping child". I just wonder as to how the others have still managed to be away from the feeling of being “dilberted” by our seagull manager. And I then take solace that it might just be a matter of time before each of us start showing signs of Dorito Syndrome.

But whats this all about? It was started with the fairly decent scored I secured in my HSSC exam. The quiet a decent student I was; I had almost lived up to my personal expectations. And after 4 long years of bearing the bull that was thrown at us, I ended up or rather I somehow stumbled at the doorstep of this hynotisizing IT world.

But now that I am here, at this place which I once sought; I feel lost. I get the experience of being in no man’s land; when I find myself stuck between the two species; neither of which can associate myself with; On one side the “Alpha geeks” coding their way to mortality and the on the other “Masters of Assmosis” decoding the way to immortality.

“Make hay when the sun shines” they say and so did all of us; but now that the clouds of burgeoning rupee tend to eclipse the sun; it’s just matter of time the chainsaw consultant comes knocking to our doors. The Elvis years of the IT boom are long over; its to everyone’s wonder as to when they will get a additional feminine slip along with their monthly one.

Even if we manage to skip being rewarded with a pink slip; still there seemingly exists no pathway which would lead us out of the cube-farm into that elusive corner office; A place that has eluded me till now from where you can look down to other fellow techies prarie-dogging most of the time in their day; or at best ego-surfing their way into mortality.

Somehow, I have resigned to the fact that, there exists no ladder for me in here. Only way I might possibly rise in here is by standing on someone else (read sub-ordinates) shoulders; but even human pyramid too have serious limitations. All and all I foresee myself rotting at echelons closer to ground.

More often than once, I hear a voice call me out "Seek what your heart desires. Go for it!"; I turn around to see a vaccum. Is this what they say "the inner voice"?
Well, may be and I choose to believe that it indeed is my "inner calling".
So, what is holding me back? How I wish I had a definitive answer to it. But I believe I am being a bit more paranoiac than one in my place should afford to be.

Just hoping for the day when my brew of aspirations, vision, self belief will score over my apprehensions. Hope that day dawns very soon. Ameen!